BLOG
Losing a loved one, be they a parent, partner, child or friend can for some people be a very traumatic time in their life. It is a period when you need help and support. It is a time where you want someone to say ‘it’s ok you can do this’ and support you all the way. And this is where a funeral celebrant comes in. It is our job to help you through the days between death and the funeral and beyond.
Below is a story from a son who lost his parents only a few years apart. A story that shows how hard it can be and the difference a funeral celebrant can make.
“I had known Lesley for many years as a teacher with a stoical fortitude to provide the very best for her charges working in the most trying of professions. It hardly came as a surprise to me when I heard that, following the coronavirus pandemic, she had retrained as a wedding and funeral celebrant covering all the main aspects of her new found vocation.
Sadly and following a short illness I lost my ageing father and found myself responsible for fulfilling his last wishes, including dispatching him. At the same time I was attempting to placate the varied feelings of family members. Like so many before me I was new to this and found help and advice from ‘traditional’ sources a little underwhelming and unimaginative. However one ploughs on the best one can. It wasn’t a disaster but looking back I often wondered if I might have done a bit better.
A couple of years later Mum followed Dad and my doubts resurfaced. I remembered Lesley and her celebrancy and we started talking. Well what a difference!
I wasn’t being ‘rushed’. I felt I was being listened to. I felt my demons were being understood. I felt there were other options. It wasn’t that this was a second opportunity (although it was) but the whole process was more calming and so much less ‘dictatorial’.
Mum’s funeral was different to Dad’s, not because I wanted to make amends for Dad but because they were different. I loved and knew and understood Mum in a very different way. I felt I was helped every step of my journey. No one in the family wanted to help with a eulogy. Lesley helped me with mine. I was ‘prompted’ to think of special tear jerking moments that I would never have thought of by myself. It was still my eulogy but so much better than it might have been and with no repetition from Lesley on the day. Teamwork in a very difficult time.
I felt good about Mum and what was important to her.
It was a nice funeral, wonderful weather and a lovely location. No bun fight – it was all about Mum. It couldn’t have been nicer.
Mum and Dad now lie side by side.”
With the help of a funeral celebrant like myself, this son was able to give his Mum the send off that he felt she deserved and wished he had been able to do for his father. This is the role of a celebrant, to help those left behind give their loved ones the day they deserve.
